Well.... I really thought over the last few weeks that I knew when my baby boy was going to come into our lives, my estimate.... About a week/week and a half from now. Now, I'm feeling more like he's going to stay in there till he's due or longer.
I really felt like it was the end finally and now I'm feeling like the end will never come. Oddly enough I'm not really miserable or looking forward to the end like some are at my point of 37 weeks. In fact, I'm not ready for him to come yet. I'm really hoping in a way that he does take his time.
There's so much happening and at the same time, life is as usual. I'm trying my best to keep up with things that I need to get together before the baby's born. But, honestly, sometimes I feel like life, as it is, keeps things from going to plan. So, I'm not really prepared and things haven't really gotten finished as I'd hoped they would. I still have quite a few things to do before Ricky's arrival.... Whenever that's going to happen.
I know that you can never really be ready for fully prepared. But, I'd hoped that I would be. The things that need to be done aren't things that would be terrible if they weren't done before he's born. So, I'm not really upset about that or anything. I doubt that they are the things making me feel like he's not ready... He is making me feel that way.
Some days I feel awful, others I barely feel pregnant. I'm just starting my weekly visits to the Drs and looking forward to what he thinks... although, I know that they can only assume or guess just as much as me as to when the baby will be here. But, I like knowing more about where I'm at and whats happening and what they think may be the end!
I am having a hard time imagining life once Ricky's here too. I try to imagine what he will look like... A pasty white baby with Mexican features or a Tan mix up of Ricardo and I. Its been four and a half years since I had a baby in the house and looking at videos and pictures help me remember, but, I still am having a hard time really remembering what life will be like. Its sorta makes it hard to mentally prepare for it all. Some how I feel ready for Ricky than I was for Aaron.
Maybe now I know that regardless of how much babysitting or parenting you have under your belt, every baby is different and things never go the way you expect them to. So, expecting something to be a certain way is unrealistic. Therefore, you can never be prepared really.... Or at least thats how I feel right now.
I'm not really worried about labor and birth. Last time I had back labor and as long as its better than that, I will be okay. This time, Ricky has dropped and I'm having braxton hicks contractions, neither happened with Aaron. I'm also feeling very different in this last few weeks. So, I'm hoping that, that means I will have a more normal labor and perhaps a less painful experience. Although, I do recall my absolute insistence that I will NEVER go through that again after having Aaron, because it was so painful. So, here's hoping this one goes better!
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