Why do relationships have to be so hard? How is it that one day everything is great and the next things seem to be in the brink, then back to wonderful again? What is it really? Good or bad..... normal?
I read and talk and what I find is that it is mostly like that... for most relationships.
What is communication really? I read all these expert relationship articles about ten ways to communicate, top 5 things to do for a healthy relationship, how to grow your relationship into a healthy one... Blabity, blah, blah... Blahhhhhh..... It all sounds good on paper, but, what about reality? No one person wants to be forced into anything and pouring a bunch of rhetoric into someone's ears doesn't help when they aren't in the driver's seat of what they are wiling to hear.
How long does it take? They don't answer that! Two people working at two different speeds to get to two different out comes... Thats not a math problem... Thats just a problem! With no answer or resolution.
What is a bad/unhealthy relationship what is a normal one? If you "working" to get somewhere does that mean everything is okay? Does that mean that there is hope? What if you just keep working and nothing seems to change?
Is it possible for a relationship in therapy to really make it? To really have change? Do people even really change?
Forcing, convincing, begging, pleading, talking, sharing, opening up.... Does it work? How do two people with two different needs and two different motives come to a middle ground? If neither can effectively get the other one to understand where they are at and where they are going? Seems more like two blind people walking around in circles trying to find each other.
How much pride and ego does it take to stand in the way of progress?
At what point do you say, I've done it all and there's nothing more I can do? If you are someone who is doing everything they can to make their situation work, you'd never really be able to say that, right?
If you can still laugh, love, and share with the person is it a bad situation or a normal one?
Why do people want to blame the other person all the time? What is wrong with looking in and saying what can I do to make things better? What is wrong with personal growth and finding ways to make your life and relationship and self better?
Are we two different people with two different paths or two lost people with no clear path trying to find each other?
Why is it so hard to take criticism and listen to what we do wrong?
Why does it have to be so hard to understand how bring two people who want to be happy with each other together with a collective understanding of what its going to take to be happy with each other?
What do I need to do with in myself to help me make this better?
How can I give, accept, and live with things I don't like?
When should I go against my own thoughts and feelings on what is right and wrong?
How should I change so that we have more common ground?
How do I explain my side in a way that they understand precisely where I'm at?
When do I put their needs before my own and how often?
When do I hold myself accountable, when do I hold them?
What situations should I hold my ground, even if it means we won't resolve anything?
When do I let go of having a common ground on something?
How do we find a middle if one or the other is not willing to budge?
What types of things should I accept even if I think its not right or healthy or good?
If we are at different places in life, maturity, direction, wants, and needs, is there hope for it to change at some point?
What kind of things are bad if we don't agree?
What the hell am I supposed to do next?
Why does it have to be so hard?
I have read probably as many books as you on this subject. There are so many factors that not one idea is going to make any difference. Doesn't help that every relationship you have ever been in was completely different from one another. Men and woman think and love differently. Period! There is a book out there that helped me understand better. It was called something like The 7 languages of love. People love differently. I have learned that at the end of the day if both of you are willing to work at it then you wil be fine. If its a one way road then it's a losing battle. Nothing in life is easy and a good thing is worth fighting for. Hope everything works out got you. sending my love to you. jen halward
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