So, for the last 24 hours I have been in the crappiest mood. There were moments of reprieve and welcomed distraction and moments that really would have forced a terrible mood out of anyone. I was hoping that I would sleep off the bad mood and wake up to a new day with a new outlook. But, alas... I feel like garbage after a cranky and difficult four year old had nothing but resistance and no's to share with me this morning and the frustration from the events from the prior day still linger.
I'm so over being controlled by my hormones and emotions. I imagine how different I would handle certain circumstances and moments if I weren't ridden with excessive hormones. I fantasize about not being pregnant and handling life better. I feel like a crazy person sometimes and there's almost nothing I can do, except remind myself that I am not my normal self and to give myself a break. Its very difficult to explain to people how this feels if they've never gone through it before and people don't always remember what your going through, even when they have had similar experiences.
The wonderful moments are when people do relate to you and give you a little slack. When they act supportive and comforting, not engaging in actions or choices that are sure to put more pressure and stress on an already fragile situation. Those are the moments and people who make getting though this possible without getting depressed and really down. I can happily say that most of my down moods don't last long and are sooner or later met with resolve or at least a greater situation to be happy about.
There are also days when I feel absolutely normal, I just about forget that I'm even pregnant. I love those days. I feel like I'm floating on the clouds and in a dream almost. They also remind me what its like not being pregnant anymore and give me the hope that eventually I will feel like myself again and a glimpse of what that is like. Its just wonderful!
There are some very wonderful things that pregnancy has to offer, feeling like a hormonal wreck isn't one of them. I'll be glad when the six months after birth have passed and I will confidently feel like myself again.... Just a handful of time now before B-Day and the countdown to six months after that!
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