Lately I've felt weighted and my mind has been cloudy. I notice myself being negative and unable to process things that would normally not be so difficult. I'm unable to focus on tasks, sometimes I can't think of things I am trying to say, and I'm scatter brained. I've been irritable and abnormally disconnected. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and shifty in my seat. My home is my sanctuary and lately, I've felt distracted, uninterested, and discontent in my household. I also work from home at times, I'm having a difficult time completing daily tasks without a mental and physical struggle.
Due to all of that, I've realized that I need to do some major cleansing. I have practiced different types of rituals over the years and found a few things that work for me. Over the next week or so, I will be doing a complete cleans of my life which specifically targets the Mind, Home, Body, and Heart. I believe this is the best order to do the cleansing if I need balance and peace in every aspect of my life. But, I have done them individually when I've needed it in one part but not others.
This first task is not a big secret, but, I'd say the most important. The mind, the way I cleans my mind is to purge the negative thoughts through writing. Lately I've noticed that I've been holding in some feelings of discontent with things in my life. Not all of them can be discussed with the person or people whom are involved, conversations may not help, or its something out of my control and there's nothing to talk about. So, if I cannot find resolution and peace verbally, I purge it in word. The important part of this is that when I'm writing I imagine the stress and weight in which these feelings plague me leaving me with each word. I try not to hold back and even if I feel like my feelings are unjustified, unhealthy, or wrong; I still write them down and get them out of me. Note: Purging the overwhelming thoughts does not mean I can't revisit them if I need to process something. I just need to release the intensity of them so I make room for positive thoughts to take their place.
Since I am a goal oriented person, the things that wear me down the most are the things I have yet to accomplish. I tend to get down on myself when I haven't reached a goal in "enough time". These also need to be purged. For this, I will write my life's priorities and then I rewrite my goals and give myself new deadlines and try to think about what has been keeping me from them. I also write down what I think may be the hiccup and if possible, something I can do to resolve the problem in the future.
This can take some time and its important for me to keep writing until I feel unburdened. I will feel mentally free and clear if I have completed this step. I've noticed that once I open this channel, my thought can come at the oddest times. So, to accommodate that I make sure and bring a note pad with me when I do my tasks so that if I think of something at the post office, driving, eating lunch, ect. I can write a quick note down to remind myself to write in detail about that topic later.
Here I go.....
**UPDATE 3/19/10**
Last night I completed my mental purge. I noticed a few things I thought I'd share as I was writing. I first wrote a quick list of the things that had been plaguing my thoughts. When I started on each topic the thoughts started out organized and specific. In no time the sentences turned into a couple paragraphs. Not having anymore thoughts, I was done! I took deep breaths and exhaled the negativity. Once I did that other thoughts popped up. I'd write it down. Some of them made sense, others seemed small and unimportant. But, I wrote them all down one after another exhale, after exhale.Eventually, my mind was truly blank and I noticed I was smiling without even knowing it.
I continued each topic until I felt there was nothing more to write. At the end of each topic I'd write a positive message to myself about the situation and how I want to feel about each topic in the future.
In conclusion, I slept better last night than I have in weeks and although I woke up cranky, I woke up to a blank and burden free mind. My thoughts have been peaceful and I've been able to focus on tasks. I also have more energy and I've felt a little smile on my face all day.
Step one done!!!
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