Twenty-Three Weeks of Pregnancy... Where am I now?

I'm almost in my third trimester now and life has gone through some changes over the past six or so months. Which was to be expected since I'm now having a baby, starting/building a relationship, going to vocational school, bringing up a preschooler, and somehow making time to keep my sanity...

I knew these times were going to be tough, but, knowing something and living something are two very different realities. My pregnancy has been relatively easy considering that I'm on my feet most of the day and being my second pregnancy I feared being big bellied earlier in my pregnancy. Which I'm not luckily. Some of the people at school are just finding out I'm pregnant which surprises me, cause although I'm not much bigger than I was with Aaron at this time, I still feel like a beached whale. Yesterday was the first swollen feet day, wearing even two inch heels to school is a no-no.... Lesson learned. The baby is very active, which is different from Aaron. Ricky kicks and rolls so much it makes me feel sick to my stomach, which is a good thing, I suppose. My boobs are massive, size F to be exact, which sucks! I'm not looking forward to as big as your head J-sized boobies come December. Perhaps I'll be luckier this time with smaller ones.... Fingers crossed. Other than that, I'm just trucking right along.

Having your pregnancy weeks coinciding with the duration of time your relationship has been building is an interesting timeline. Its very difficult to start dating, move in with, be pregnant by, and plan for a future with someone all at the same time. There are some interesting challenges that end up popping up unexpectedly on a regular basis. I could write paragraphs about the things I'm frustrated with, but, I'm going to instead focus on the things that lucky for me are going really well, given the understanding chaos of our situation. For starters, Ricardo is a devoted person who, for reasons I can't figure out, seems to want all of the insanity my life seems to offer. We have somehow made it financially to a point where when my savings ran out he started making money and despite my emotional roller coaster we still find time to keep the fire alive and push along through it all. Besides how much Ricardo has done to try and make this work, lets talk a moment about my dedication to this whole thing... Six months may not be a long time for many, but, for me its a miracle. Only one before him has made it six months without me breaking up with them. So, kudos to that! (Although, it has crossed my mind a time or few.) I keep trying to figure out if I would be as upset about things if I weren't pregnant, but there's really not way to tell. I read a post of a woman who cried for an hour because she poured her cereal to find no milk in the fridge.... Pregnancy is a doozie! New relationships can be hard period, I feel like I have almost every stresser known to man happening to us right now. I'm very grateful that there are supporting actors around us like him being so close to my family, having something to do all day, and money coming in somewhat regularly. If that wasn't the case, who knows how difficult it would be. I suppose that things aren't perfect, but, perfect has not where to go.

School has been equally wonderful and stressful. Its not the easiest time to go to school right now. I'd much rather be making money, but, it is what it is. I am happy to say that hair and beauty seems to be a good avenue for me and it seems that my clients are happy, teachers are confident with me, and peers are reluctant to start drama with me, if not actually like me! I chalk that all up to being at this place so late in life. This is a difficult thing, beauty school, pressure of learning the craft, being at school 7+ hours 5 days a week, not making money other than tips if your good/lucky, and being around 100 girls EVERYDAY your at school. I'm not sure I could have made it when I was younger, I'm very proud of the younger gals I study with, they go through a lot to stay at school and keep focused. I have to admit though, without the help I have now, even at my age, I'm not sure I would have been able to stay in school financially. I'm a lucky person in that instance. I have a few more months before my class (phase) graduates, I will have to take leave from school to have the baby and go back to finish. I'm hoping to graduate around February or March given my time off, which will make my term a solid year, less my leave. I'm looking forward to clocking out of school for the last time..... School... all in all... A very good thing!

My baby boy Aaron is hopefully starting preschool next month. Which is CRAZY! I just cried the other day looking at pictures of my baby boy at two years old, now being a little boy with the best imagination and funniest personality. He makes everyday wonderful and wants to laugh all the time! He is so crazy smart, I hope that the school will have enough things for him to keep busy with. I'm already working on 123's and ABC's, writing, reading every night, and attempting to keep his little mind occupied with constructive thing rather that TV and video games on the regular. So far it works, but, he does have a unnatural love for Scooby Doo! I love my little boy so very much. I know he'll be the best big brother I could have ever dreamed of, little Ricky is going to cherish his big bro.... My big baby Aaron.

My sanity unfortunately has taken a downward spiral the last few months. There is little alone time and many stressers adding pressures to life. I'm fearing pregnancy depression may be setting in a bit again which I'm watching and am going to talk to my Doc about finding someone to talk to about things and perhaps get on top of things before I get too down and end up needing anti-depressants like I did with Aaron. I have little time for a social life and am grateful for the rare chance I get to spend time with friends. I don't talk to many people anymore and sometimes I worry about some of my friendships that have seemed to drift away over he last few months. But, all I can do is hope that whatever bond we had is strong enough to last me going through all of this. The ones who do will only surface as the greater friendships, so I'm looking forward to that. Eventually life will come to a new peaceful place just like the chaotic times that came before this. There are some things that keep my mind straight....

1) Playing and bonding with my big baby boy.
2) Getting the positive feedback from clients, instructors, and fellow students at school.
3) The chance occurrence of peace in quiet.
4) Having a moment to write in my journal or blog.
5) Going to the Doctors to see my little baby boy.
6) Talking to someone I feel really understands what I'm going through or just having a friend there to talk about the pressures and stress.
7) The rare opportunity to laugh till I get a cramp in my tummy.
8) Looking at a small  household project at completion or seeing a clients face gleaming with happiness over my work and feeling accomplished.

I hope to write again sooner than my last post, I seriously need to. Till then. xoxo