What does fitting in really mean anyway?

I remember as a child I always felt like I was different than the other kids. The other children seemed to understand each other and had things in common. I wasn't interested in their conversations, though I pretended to be. I wanted to felt like I was a part of something and "fitting in" helped avoid getting made fun of. They also played different than me, I was a logical child and things were what they were. Imaginary play was a struggle, although, I did try and play along... I remember wishing I could see the castle they saw, the playground just looked like a playground to me. I was left out of a lot of things by other kids for whatever reason and it really had a lasting effect on me.

In high school I drifted through the groups and cliques. I used the term "floater" to describe myself to appease the need to connect a label. Usually had a friend or two in every circle. Though, I never really felt like I belonged to any of them. Again, I had the differing thoughts and lack of interest in their conversations and activities. But, true to my nature I would engage enough to understand things and experience their worlds. I loved the adventure and the fun of learning about people. I formed genuine friendships and I experienced a variety of things that I believe I never would have otherwise, which is a plus!

I found a little of myself out of everything I did and everyone I met. One common thread carried through it all; my need to belong and a protective loyalty for the friends who accepted me. Despite growing up, its all basically the same. I still feel that I never have enough in common to really feel at home and I usually am close to one or two people out the the many. Admittedly, the feeling of not really fitting in and being left out still bothers me. But, luckily for me, its nothing new and I almost expect it.... negative as that may sound, its better to be surprised and appreciative, than disappointed and hurt. So, I see it as an positive.

I have come to accept that I am different and there have been people who really like that about me even have said they admire it, which makes me feel pretty special. But, it alwasy seemed funny to listen to things like that cause it isn't something I strive for, it just is. I never saw it as a something to be proud of.

There's also moments when the people who blend and have it all figured out, seem to want what I have. Its the cliche, 'grass is greener' I suppose. But, like me they cannot change their DNA make up, we all just have to accept our part on this earth in this lifetime. Some of us blend, some of us don't.

At times I imagine I'm the person who fits in because I don't fit in. I come and go, people know me and I know people. Never really having a home "clique" is nice, for starters, there's probably been some time between visits, so nice see that long lost familiar face. Better yet, those things I don't always have in common with people don't get in the way because we don't have enough time together for them to. Its also nice because I can pick and choose the social events I am interested in to make my appearances. I'm not there by obligation, I'm there by choice. My life is also free from too much drama and frivolous events, which aren't always avoidable when you mix up personalities. I guess for me, not fitting in has its perks, but, I can't deny the unanswered question of...

Why don't I fit in?