I have sent out countless texts, PM's, replies, emails, and comments. Without a single response in return. In the last month more of the communication I've sent was ignored than replied to.
Should I be offended?
These communications are for a variety of things. Notably, people have asked me for information or favors, I've responded and I get, no reply. I've tried to communicate to set up travel plans to visit someone, no reply. Commented on posts asking for opinions, no reply. Texts sent for various items (offering help, invitations to events, and saying hello.) No reply. Emailing people about business needs, no reply. Emailing instructors about school, no reply. Calling people and leaving messages, no reply.
I am also guilty of not replying. So, I do not typically take these personally. I understand that people get busy, forget, or perhaps they don't care enough to get back to me. I also realized that this has been the case for a long long long time.
But what is the consequence to this?
I have anxiety having to communicate more than once about something. I assume that the person doesn't want to hear from me. But, sometimes a response is needed so I communicate again despite how it makes me feel. Overall, I feel that people don't want to hear from me. So, I don't comment or text people as often I want to. If I call, text, or PM someone once or a couple of times and they don't respond, I seldom do it again.
I wonder if I've become less responsive to communication because of this. I have noticed that I forget to respond because I'm so busy at times. Are we all too busy? I also feel less pressure to respond quickly. I felt that, that was the normal communication expectation. Is that the way it is for other now? Is not replying the new normal??
I extend a few exceptions to the no reply no answer situation. This is for the people who reach out to me on their own. Those few people have spend quality time with me or on the phone. They make it clear that it's not personal. They, like me get busy and forget. But, they make an attempt to make sure I understand that it is not personal. In fact, the relationship and trust we have makes things safe and understandable.
I've tried to assume the same for others. But, I also know that isn't always the case. There have been times where I've pushed communication with someone and received clarification that they did ignore me on purpose. That basically I don't matter to them. This is helpful for me. Yes it hurts. Perhaps it's the Sagittarius in me but, I'd rather be hurt by the truth than carried along with passive aggressive lies.
I appreciate the knowledge that my response to this isn't normal. But, that doesn't help me understand what to do about it. I know that each situation is different. Some communications are more important than others. I've come up with a few points that I believe will help me with this issue. And although, I've done these things already, I've decided to put more focus on them and to be more contentious of my situation. Which will hopefully make a difference.
1) It's best I get clarification on a situation that needs it. Ignoring me is only going to leave me with questions and assumptions. If the person blatantly ignores me, I have my answer. If they respond annoyed that they had to tell me to get lost, I have my answer. If they respond and the conversation is normal, I have my answer as well.
2) If people don't get in touch with me socially and ignore my comments and texts. To be fair, maybe I should match their interest level.
3) Most importantly, I shouldn't allow other people's behavior to affect mine. I now acknowledge that being busy, forgetting, or just ignoring isn't the best way to handle things. I will try to respond with something like "Busy at the moment, will text/write/call later". At least they received something from me. This will also give me a mental note to get back to them.
Hopefully this will clear up some of this nonsense for me. Although I did not totally notice it as a big problem, it did affect me. I may have also affected others. Which isn't the way I want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment