Freedom from the burden of acceptance.

I know that am not alone in the feeling that very few people in this world truly have my best interest in heart and value me and what I have to offer.

I've read some of the psychological reasons why people may act differently toward certain people. But, none of them really explain the phenomenon that I've lived with my entire life, over and over and over again. I cannot explain to you why I have not come to a place where I've just shut out every living person from my life to protect myself from it. I keep creating opportunities to meet and bond with people. I am kind and accepting to people even after they have wronged me time and time again. My best guess is that the few people who I believe do love and accept me, give me hope. But, its come to a point when I'm tired of feeling hurt.

I'm sick of constantly getting to know people to have them eventually be rude, disloyal, or reject me. I constantly forgive and forget things that have happened in order to continue to have people in my life. No longer am I willing to do that. I have been hurt and unappreciated by people for far too long. I will never be an assertive and confrontational person. Nor will I stop being a kind person who wants the best in the world and for those around me. Even when they're not kind to me. I am going to try to become a better me and allow myself to be lonely and alone in order to protect myself from mistreatment and when my instincts tell me that I need to keep on pushing in life, I will.

I will no longer make excuses for people not being good to me or treating me as well as they treat others. I will create opportunities in my life to do that for myself and I will not be ashamed, quiet, or considerate about my accomplishments because other people criticize them or are envious. I am freeing myself from the burdens of others. I will focus solely on myself, my man, my children, and those friends and family who show and have shown that I truly matter to them. I will no longer create opportunities for people to need me or use me. I will only accept fair treatment and compensation for my time and efforts. If people don't feel I deserve it, they can find someone else to help them. I'm over trying to keep the peace and hold everything together when others aren't willing to do that for me. I am equally valuable and will no longer accept anything less than they would accept for themselves.

Freedom

When you chase acceptance from someone else instead of appreciating me...
I am free 

When I go out of my way for you and you do not reciprocate when I need it...
I am free

When you have an opportunity to defend me and you stand silent...
I am free

When I communicate to you and you respond with annoyance and burden...
I am free

When you do not include me in things going on in your life, but include others...
I am free

When I am going through something and you do not check on me...
I am free

When you tell me I'm too nice, instead of protecting me...
I am free

When you speak down to me or disrespectfully at me because I'm different than you...
I am free

When you're not happy for me when something good happens...
I am free

When you criticize me for being a sensitive and nice person...
I am free

When you see my kindness as weakness...
I am free

When you talk about me behind my back or gossip about my life...
I am free

When you do not accept me for who I am and try to change me...
I am free

When I make a mistake and you don't give me a chance to make amends...
I am free

When I have to make all of the efforts to communicate and build a relationship...
I am free

When you only talk to me or come around me when you want something...
I am free

When you do not care that I'm noticeably upset...
I am free

When I have done something wrong and instead of letting me know, you reject me...
I am free

When you try to tear me down instead of build me up...
I am free

I am free because I deserve better than that. 


- Jennifer Highton