Its a wonderful life.

I always joked about ending up like that crazy cat lady in the one bedroom apartment, childless and loveless. Content with her life, but, far from the somewhat conventional life I ended up with. I sometimes think of that potential and the fantastic adventures she must have enjoyed in her whimsical and carefree life.  In fact, I day dream of them when I find my actual life overwhelming. She always has that old timey movie glow and men falling at her feet. She seems to always been in some enchanted land in the east laid out on colorful pillows or catching rides across the US with random friends she meets along the way, unknowing or caring where the wind takes her. These day dreams seem careless and irresponsible I'm sure, but, a more grounded less Hollywood version could have been my outcome had I not decided to procreate.

Even though I sometimes daydream about the possibilities of what could have been, I alwasy find that the life I have is much more fulfilling and as the years go on I'm realizing that even though I didn't plan for any of this, it turned out better than I could have imagined. Some may say that it was a plan set into action by a god, destiny, karma, chance, me..... Whatever you believe the reason, I just accept is a wonderful life however it came to be mine.

This wonderful life is not without its imperfections and hardships, but, I understand those too come with the territory and help me appreciate the great things as they come. I also stay focused and push forward with goals and am challenged by those times to stay true to myself and my convictions. I'm just thankful that the people who have come and stayed in my life are strong and never afraid to push through the muck with me.  I cannot say that for everyone I know, in fact I can say that for very few. Those few are my lifeline and a huge reason why my life is so wonderful.

I used to talk about how I was like a cat, that I always landed on my feet and I seem to have nine lives. I believe that to be true still. I'm not sure if I'm resourceful, lucky, blessed, or what but, I know that regardless of how far I seem to fall, I always land on at least one foot. At the end of the journey I find that there always seem to be a purpose. I have seen that through my life if it weren't for one unfortunate situation I would not have been positioned for the wonderful one that happened years later. How can that be? Who knows... I don't really care. I'm just glad that I realize it and have that to lean on through the hard times. The other thing I realize about the cause and effect of my life is that not matter how bad the "bad" was, the "good" is always greater and makes whatever I went though worth it.

I believe that I am not the only person with a wonderful life. I believe we all have a potential for this. I know that I haven't always realized that I had a wonderful life. I have had times of depression and self loathing and pity. Those were not my finest moments but, being so consumed with negativity I was not able to see the pendulum and the possibility of balance. Which is what I strive for. For me balance means a wonderful life. Not too much of anything, just enough of everything. If you go over on one thing, something else will fail to balance the pendulum of your life. So, I try to moderate my life and find that fine line. Its not a very easy thing to do, but, being consumed with both positive and negative things makes for a better existence and wonderful outcome.