You're not worthy.

Can we just talk for a moment about allowing others to control your emotions? "Others" as in people who have little to no purpose or importance in your life. But, for whatever reason become very influential in your emotional status.

After talking a situation out, I came to realize that yet again, I'm giving control of my happiness to someone else. Focus on the part of that sentence.... "yet again." This means that I am not in unfamiliar territory and something I really need to get a handle of. I'm not sure if its worse that I'm giving control to someone who doesn't care about me, by doing so, I'm left with a negative outcome, guaranteed! Or the fact that I'm giving control of my emotions period and therefore, have little say in the outcome or how I feel.

Here's the question.... Do I allow this because I'm punishing myself for some reason or because I don't care about myself in some way? I obviously understand the concept of whats happening, so what gives? Why be so irresponsible with my feelings and willing to put myself through this time and time again?

About a year and a half ago I went through this and started reading "The Four Agreements." Which helped a lot, but, apparently the messages didn't stay with me. I'm definitely going to start reading my daily flash cards again, which were so kindly given to me by a dear friend who moved away... tear... I know that will help me to remember my boundaries and regenerate my inner peace.

In fact, I'll start now! Here's the message from the first one.... Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally

"Transform your life: When you refuse to rake things personally, you avoid many upsets in your life. Your feelings of anger, jealousy- and even your sadness- will simply disappear if you don't take things personally."

Well, how appropriate is that!? Appropriate? YES! Easy? Not so much.... But, I'm already feeling rejuvenated. Its incredible how much I make up in my head that becomes fact just because I think it so. I'm so good at being logical about what I'm doing and why. But, understanding some of what I do, doesn't change that I do it. I'm grateful for the recommendation of the "Agreements" and that thinking things so works both ways and I see the end is near.

I am not totally sure why I continue to need approval of others or give control of my happiness to unworthy situations. But, I hope that it has something to do with hormones and forgetting how strong and confident I can be.... And that I get reacquainted with that side of me soon!