Reality Bites

There are moments in life that stop me in my tracks, wipe my lens, and see things for what they are.

Its interesting to me how day to day these things exist, as they are, plain as day and I just don't see it. I am too consumed with other things, may they be more important, shiny, or squeaky. Or perhaps is that I could not accept the truth of the situation. Maybe I was in denial, hoping that it would change with time and things would become something different. Whatever the reason, at a certain point, even though I may not want to, I get it.

I take a moment to let it sink in... Have a cry or whatever immediate emotions I need to come back to reality.

Then, I get back on my track and start moving forward again. With the new information fresh on my mind. I allow it to run its course, taking me step by step through the emotions that lead me to peace and acceptance.

Sometimes these reveals are extremely painful and shake me to my core. At times they help me see something in myself I had been avoiding. There's moments when the thing I finally see really doesn't matter, it's the lesson learned through journey that matters.

Every once in a while, I get to seeing something and realize that I felt it from the start. Intuitively, I already knew the outcome but I wanted to will through it. In these moments, I want to reprimand myself for not listening to my instincts and if I had I would not be feeling this pain. I have to remember that the journey happened for a reason and if it had not, something good would not or will not happen. So, in the end it all balances. (Although, I do give my gut 1 point and most likely will follow my instincts in a similar moment.)

As always, there is something to be happy for, may it be a moment that I look back on and laugh, or a person I met though the experience, the experience itself.... Something is always going to make me feel that it was never a total loss and I have to be confident in my decision to involve myself to begin with. I am an evolving person who's decisions today will not be the same next week. Ultimately, its the moments that come to light in a negative that end up helping me the most because I spend so much time processing it and making it into something positive.

I can also be proud when I see the light, it may mean that I'm respecting myself and grown a little in my path to self love and respect. Maybe because I'm then strong enough to handle that truth about the situation and more importantly myself related to that situation. Or because I've given it my last chance and its time to move on. Perhaps I've grown up and matured past a point in my life and its time to look forward to something new. What ever the reason its also nice to pat myself on the back a bit when the pain is a sign that I'm moving forward and growing into a healthier and happier person.

Its rarely a fun experience coming to a painful reality. Especially one that I did not want to come to.

But, this and moments like this, I am reminded that I am not in control of the world around me. Frankly I'm barely in control of myself and thats just the way it is.