Yesterday I was in a store with my five year old. He was in a bad mood, so he was mouthing off and being sassy. A new bad habit he picked recently had been telling me off with all of his honestly. Which doesn't seem like something too serious since he's in kindergarden. But when your child wishes you were a kid so you can't be the boss or saying they wish they had a new mom, it's real.
I read some positive parenting for challenging behavior suggestions the day before so I was poised and ready to stay calm and talk through it!!
Which I did!
I was in the middle of telling him how "I saw how upset he was about the situation" and "wishing he would tell me how he feels." When a nice lady strolled up.
She also "noticed how upset he was". She did a very good job of transferring the focus to the dog toys in the cart rather than all the honest thoughts he was having. My son reluctantly told her about our dog and other animals. He really wanted to be grumpy instead. And you can't be grumpy and talk about dog toys and cats. (Typically I do not allow my kids to talk to other people. But for some reason, I allowed it this time.)
She proceeded to suggest to him that he should be nice and speak with kind words to his mom. Then she said it..... "Always remember that god is watching you. God wants you to be nice to your mom."
GEEZ!!
I froze and looked at Ricky, who totally heard her. He seemed to look intrigued by the comment. And even settled down!! What do I do?? We don't talk like that. How creepy does that sound? ..." Someone is watching you, act right!"
AND it worked!
Now I'm in a dilemma. I want to say "stop saying God stuff to my kid". But now he's being nice! He totally changed his demeanor! It worked!
She looks at me, obviously proud of the service she provided, and smiled. I smiled back, I have a hard time being mean or even seaking apparently. I know she was trying to do something nice. But now I'm confused. And I'm offended.
Why would someone assume that we believe the same way? Why didn't I speak up? Why did Ricky's attitude change? Does he think God is Santa? Whats wrong with being nice to just be nice? Or listen because I'm his parent. Isn't that what's really important for him to learn??
I have an issue with what she said. I just wish I'd had a few more minutes to process what happened.... Because I thought about saying something. But then I thought the creepy "he's watching you" comment changed his behavior. So I said nothing. I didn't know what I could say that would let her know that I appreciate her help, but don't assume we're all the same. The word God means something different to many people, but for some of us, it's not important. I'm trying to not teach kids about that "God". Ive decided to wait till they're older and teach them about all of the religions. So they can decide their path with an educated mind. And that should be okay.
I told myself that if he asks about it I'll explain to him that people believe in all sorts of things, she believes there's a God who watches her behavior. Some other people don't think that's true. That he can decide for himself later, just like I have with his older brother.
I need to do some soul searching about how to approach this in the future in a way that serves my beliefs and protects my children from the narrow concept that we should all fit into one box with one religion. That says it's okay to ask if someone practices a certain religion before speaking to their kids about it. It's just the decent thing to do.
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